My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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