My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize