do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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