If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
