I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
