Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
