rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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