Porn is love you can see.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
