Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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