just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
