i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
