Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize