just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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