im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
