would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
