What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
