sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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