Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
