Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
