Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
