Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so let's talk penis.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
