my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize