my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think my moral compass just broke
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
