We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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