you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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