I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
