I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You are the jesus of drinking
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize