It's Friday. Sex?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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