We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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