Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My bed smells like the plague
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