Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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