the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
