i already hear my dad disowning me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Houston, we have a blender
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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