Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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