tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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