I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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