I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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