I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
