Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
