I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
