I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
