I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
