We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
