I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
