Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
