I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Floor bacon is actually really good
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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