The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you would pick up someone in the library
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
