every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
