I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he was CRYING into my vagina
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
