I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
