I wish I only lived at night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
