He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
