..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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