did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
