am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
