No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
