at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
