they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm always down for nudity.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize