She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
