I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
