Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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