Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
