I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
