Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
