Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
