Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
