Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize