A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
