is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Boobs are out for the taking
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
