I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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