Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
