that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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