just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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