Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
