i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
