who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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