best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
