I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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