she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
