Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
