my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
