I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
