Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
