Kareoke will never be a sober sport
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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